eyeballboba

Lee and Angel talk about angels

Mon, 22 Sep 2025 01:39:51 GMT

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Dreaming of better days

Mon, 11 Aug 2025 18:45:00 GMT

(*) I don't want this to be the last day.

(*) This can't be the last time.

(*) Something less sad than all of this.

(*) Things will get better bit by bit... but what I want most...

(*) Before you or I die, we can be alive.

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Nightmares ended

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 17:00:33 GMT

YEAHHHH BABY IT'S OVERRRRRRRRRRRR

actually it's been over for a few days. yay for weed++++++++++

honestly i'd be ok with them if they were like a once in a while thing, and i had a better way of leaching them from brain into like money or something

absolutetly godawful to be waking up in the night with them though

busy with vaudeville acts in real life

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more misery venting

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 23:45:53 GMT

i hate being disabled

( uh )

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exhausted venting

Sun, 01 Jun 2025 01:49:32 GMT

Too tired to write fic. Too tired to do nothing. Too dead to be alive.

( just misery )

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contused

Fri, 30 May 2025 02:06:35 GMT

Feeling generally pretty shitty and brainsick.

Hopefully I'll clean up my AO3 soon. I've been feeling way too emotionally invested in things recently, and it's been kind of giving me damage.

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Dreams of Burning

Tue, 08 Oct 2024 07:37:02 GMT

Vel spots the pamphlet in Meir's hand. It's a thin paperback, probably $8 from some online print-on-demand site. Red on the cover. How curious. Thoughts are running through her mind but most importantly, it's something she's seen before.

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Dreams of Drowning - this is stealth fanfic!!!

Tue, 08 Oct 2024 06:21:45 GMT

The mud's over your face. It's everywhere around you. Grow seeds, push tubules through the seal over your mouth. But why won't they dislodge all that caked-on insanity?

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Quick OMORI rant

Sat, 04 May 2024 06:11:19 GMT

This post is going to be more asian than usual because it's about OMORI and it's hard to think differently when thinking about OMORI.

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( Read more... )

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Made lemon pasta today

Sat, 27 Apr 2024 22:55:31 GMT

With shamebucket!

The noodles are orange because they're made of red lentils. Needed it to cook a little longer than 9 minutes - "I tried putting it on for 8 and I did a strand test and the strand was still crunchy on the inside."

A stick of butter, some garlic, and noodles.

Mm.

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Me and my big prototype functions

Sun, 03 Dec 2023 04:59:40 GMT

Tried to implement a random function as an object property. random() with 'this' and all that fanciness, me going let's not have THAT many globals, object.function syntax is way prettier than function(object), and cute objects can be inherited.

As a property of the object, random() was selecting itself. GREAT.

Back to function(object) syntax we go!

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Echo Project (Spoilers)

Sat, 02 Sep 2023 01:32:57 GMT

Routes, in the order I played them
Echo
Jenna (1/2)
Carl
Jenna (2/2)
TJ
Leo
Flynn
I'm pleased with myself. My partner told me that there were two authors who individually wrote some of the routes, and after playing all the routes I sleuthed out the divisions properly. One author wrote Carl, Leo, and TJ, and the other wrote Flynn and Jenna.
Brian is my favorite character. He's the unacceptable gay and the unacceptable schizophrenic. He's the only gay a high-pitched voice, he's covered with drug use lesions, he has the violent fetishes, he buys sex in exchange for drugs, he gets bossed around by his peers and he hurts himself in view of others. Knowing this, it wasn't really a surprise when it was revealed he was an evil serial killer. Too queer to be anything but evil.
Also, don't believe the lies of vndb's She is proud of her Meseta heritage and is willing to confront people who disrespect her culture they did not write this.
Benefits
Guys, did you know that instead of having slutty slutty casual sex, you could instead have sex with a single person? Wow, monogamy is so cool!
Arches
I was not very fond of Arches!Brian. Brian's a pretty different person. He's killed like twelve more people since the end of Echo. He's intimidating and scary instead of pathetic and odd. His relationship with Duke is different. There was a spot of completely unnecessary edgelord racism that almost made me ragequit, whose inclusion I think is probably because Cameron's the author's self insert and Cameron has a similar work situation as the author. There's a thing with furries where you dodge the usual racial features and beauty standards coding, but there's no ambiguity here. The furriness is basically just art style.
I'm also not fond of the epilogue. The epilogue is absolutist about taking antipsychotics, which is hilarious given that Cameron actually has magical powers. And like, even the dangerous things even run into dangerous places rather than murder people, so instead of Devon poisoning Cameron in a way that Cameron really, really hates, they could just not go into murder towns.
Also, Cameron and Devon are too similar of names. It's John and James all over again.
Route 65
Leo/Flynn
...TBA?

Also, my government assigned warrior cat name:

Ivymoon. You are a focused, short-haired dilute tortoiseshell mink tom with indigo eyes.

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Summer of Horror 2022 Letter

Sun, 29 May 2022 19:39:58 GMT

If you've written for me before, I've been adjusting my DNWs a little bit!

I have some likes listed meant to be used as prompts or places to start from, but they're far from all-inclusive as the only things I like. I think some of my likes can work well combined with other likes, or work well alone, so feel free to cherry-pick! Other than DNWs, don't feel beholden to my fandom thoughts if there's a story you want to write or if you'd feel it'd serve the story better. I hope you create something you enjoy, and have fun!

DNW-adjacent stuff:

Onscreen suicide attempts that are prevented by a conversation: if one person is in the middle of committing suicide, and another person successfully talks them down from killing themselves.

All fine: suicide attempts that end in death, suicide attempts that turn into murder attempts, suicide attempts that are stopped in ways that don't involve being convinced by words, references to a suicide attempt prevented in this manner, scenes that aren't explicitly about suicide but can be read as suicide if you squint, dreams or fantasy-equivalent suicide, and conversations about suicide that are not happening literally in the middle of a suicide attempt

Mind break

All fine: extremely dissociatey victims, not-present victims that don't respond to anything, victims admitting they like something, going from seemingly disliking something to liking mid-scene, finding some solace in pain or suffering, a feeling of acceptance to all-consuming suffering, extremely miserable and barely-there characters, "temporary" mind break
The only kind I don't want is uncomplicated fantasy "and then from this they were broken forever into a cocksleeve" type mind break.

Modern mental illness terminology

Tags are fine.

Medical treatment or therapy focus

Specifically nonconsensual magical healing is fine.

Non-canon pronouns

For video game protagonist characters that have a male/female gender choice option, I'm happy with nonbinary versions and non-he/she pronouns even if that's not an option in-game!

Noncanonical permanent amputation or genital mutilation for the purposes of creating a sex slave

I'm 100% okay with this in contexts that are not for the purposes of creating a sex slave

Likes:

General Likes: fear, gore, dubcon/noncon, hatesex, pain play, shame/guilt, sadism, masochism, guro and sexualized gore, torture, xeno, begging, degradation, humiliation, desperation, biting, poisoning. Hallucinations, unreality, magical thinking, dream logic, drugs, magical realism and extended metaphor. Contrasts between real and unreal, personalities, etc. Character-focused fics, complicated relationships focusing on emotions and desires. Self-destructive characters, suicidal and suicidal-adjacent characters. Pining, mutual or unrequited. Characters who aren't sure what they want. Manipulative characters. Any and all combinations of the above. Generally, fucked-up-ness.

Gore/Violence Likes: self harm, cannibalism, electricity, poisoning and vomiting (especially unrealistic), knives, fear, horror, fantastical gore, temperature and fire, bruises, altered states of conscious, past scars, choking, drowning, focus on sensation and emotion. Creative gore. Visceral feelings.

Things I like from the horror trope list:

Focus on mutation, mutilation, physical corruption; impossible or extremely unlikely/rare physical changes
Humorous contrast between the ordinary and the horrifying
Sudden perception that the comprehensible part of reality is only superficial; focus on the depth and strangeness of the unknown
Troubling, impossible-to-forget epiphanies about the nature of reality; reason and rationality destroyed or irrevocably damaged by a revelation
May focus on the intersection or combination of beauty and horror; sometimes uses a lusher prose or art style
Dark magical realism; fantasy genre elements like secondary worlds, fairy tales, or magic/sorcery utilized but infused with greater darkness, edgineess, dread, tragedy, or gloom
Supernatural elements may be presented sympathetically or with a sense of wonder
Profound impact of the past on the present; past may be more powerful and overwhelm the present
Legends and folk traditions are an accepted part of the characters' lives and reality
Horror blended with romance, mystery, or adventure
Apparent supernatural elements may be revealed to be fake
Heightened emotions, dreams and visions, symbols
Dark opulence, decadence, erotic elements
Abuse of power; malign influence of institutions on individuals
Institutional societal forces like sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. used as horror or forces behind the horror
Dark or grotesque crimes, serial killers, slashers, backwoods killings
Focus is usually on suspense or fear of death/harm, may or may not feature gore Stalked by a killer, menaced by an unknown assailant
Loss of bodily autonomy; drugging, sedating, restraints
Character encountering, transforming into, or being hunted by a creature
Physical, tangible creature(s) as source of horror; terrifying physical features
Legendary or fictional creatures like werewolves, zombies, or kaiju
Psychic powers, telekinesis, telepathy, wild talents
More casual intersection of the ordinary and the paranormal
Delusions, disturbed psychology, fear of own mind, paranoia, unreliable perceptions
May focus on the POV of character with dark or troubled psychology
Spirits, deities, devils, angels, demons, or other figures as menacing or malicious forces
 Possession, exorcism, cleansing
Techno-horror; technology produces, enables, or hosts ghosts or dark forces
Horror elements difficult or impossible to understand or combat via rational means
May be eerie, chilling, spooky, haunting; can produce shivers or lingering sense of dread
Character strives to survive in a dangerous situation
Being overwhelmed, outnumbered, or overpowered
Hunted, pursued, ambushed, deliberately endangered
Graphic gore, splatterpunk, detailed violence
Torture, mutilation, disfigurement, slow death, physical agony
Violence tends to come from human sources
Physical threats to characters' safety, danger of death or injury; suspense is present, but characters have graphic examples of the kind of violence they're trying to avoid
Extreme violence, i.e., disemboweling, flaying, dismemberment, eye trauma

I like sympathetic horrors when the horrors are people, and also terrifying and dangerous horrors when the horrors are people. Scared feelings and a focus on abject terror are great, a word-twisting or horrible mindfucky w-t-f is also great! I also like staring at things and thinking about them for a long time, so if you want to obscure some elements or make them very subtle that's also great!

Art likes:

Things that don't look quite right. Explicit gore. Candy gore, pastel gore, kidcore gore, neon colors. The feeling of unease. Dark colors with contrasting highlights. Symbolism and motifs such as rain, eyes, flowers, teeth. Metaphorical imagery, tarot cards. Falling and sinking imagery. Covered eyes, with hands or clothes or anything else. Scared expressions. 'Censors' over gore with blood still visible pooling out. Faces and bodies splattered with blood. Creepy images, image manips, experimental art.

Additional information:

I love all POVs and POV weirdness! I also have a special fondness for second person POV, interactive fiction, and unreliable narrators.

Trans characters that match canon pronouns are welcome! For binary trans characters: I very much prefer terminology such as breasts/clit for trans women, chest/cock/hole for trans men, and I also really like this for anatomy that I haven't mentioned if you want to be creative.

I really enjoy if there's some element of 'consent' from the victim to the horror, especially if it's super fucked up. Trickery, blackmail, desperation, immediately withdrawn but it's too late, desire, longing, expecting something else, and so on. Also, as much as I like people being awful in what they say, I also really like when a tormentor is encouraging the victim or otherwise 'accepting' their reactions of fear and horror.

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General Exchange Likes (WIP)

Sun, 03 Apr 2022 08:00:26 GMT

Not done with this but it'll be up for now! Hopefully my fear of publicly unfinished things will have me finish this sooner than later!

I'll always accept CCoF if you want to lure me to your canon. I read fandom blind a lot!
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A Year of Writing Exchange Fic: 2021

Tue, 01 Mar 2022 14:27:12 GMT

With considerable consternation I discovered all additional tags were deleted for most of my fic. /sigh

The disappearing tags only affected my older fic I applied an universal tag to using AO3's mass edit function a few weeks ago. My newer stories are unaffected. So, I guess the cause is the Edit Works, which checking now I see has a bright yellow banner at the bottom of the page saying that this will replace all your tags lmao.

Anyway, going through and re-tagging everything has reminded me that it has been about a year since I started participating in exchanges. Time flies, huh? Keeping records is useful and I have a dreamwidth now, so I guess this is for that. Stats, writing talk, and exchange reflection below.
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Goreswap 2022 Letter

Thu, 20 Jan 2022 03:47:06 GMT

Hello and welcome to my letter for Goreswap 2022! I've requested T and E gore for every one of my fandoms. I welcome treats and have that option enabled in AO3!

I have some likes listed below meant to be used as general prompts or places to start from, and they're far from all-inclusive as the only things I like. Other than DNWs, don't feel beholden to my fandom thoughts if there's a story you want to write or if you'd feel it'd serve the story better. I hope you create something you enjoy, and have fun!( Read more... )

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Yuletide 2021 Letter

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 14:18:40 GMT

Letter below!

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